I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen to live my life differently!  If I had chosen the opposite of every decision I made in life!  Would I be happier? Would I be living where I am now? Would I be in love with the man I am now?  Would I be in the same Vocation I am now?  Where would I be? What would I have done with my life?  Would I be a great humanitarian?  Would I be a philanthropist? Would I be hated by all? Would I be famous? Would I have written the next greatest American Novel? Would I be recording the next hit song?  No I probably wouldn't!

   But would I have followed my dreams like I always wanted to? Living in New York City as a successful Journalist! There are times in my life when I wish I would have followed my dreams.  But your dreams change (I guess) and my heart is completely invested in it now!

NO TURNING BACK NOW!!!!!

     Not much excitement going on in my life!!! (As Usual) But hey no news is better than bad news!

     Well I have decided to change the name of my dog from Tank to Maynard. This is all unknown to my boyfriend who originally named my sweet little boy after his main characteristic when he was a puppy! Always crawling over his brothers and sisters like a little tank overtaking all that stands in his way!

     Next incredibly boring subject.  I am planning my cousin's baby shower! She is unmarried and young and I know she is scared and more than likely going to screw up this kid more than I can possibly imagine! She doesn't have any qualities that would make her fit to be a pet owner, let alone a parent! She has a history of drug use (as far as I know not during her pregnancy). She just got her first job at 18 by force, and the father has no job yet he lies and claims he has some fantastic, well paying job! I just worry for her so much! She has no experience (neither do I), So I know she is incredibly scared and I wish she would rely more on her family then on the pathetic group people she surrounds herself with and calls her friends!

   Today just like every other day in my life absolutely nothing happened.  Which unfortunately has become the norm around here.  I don't know exactly what is the cause of this complete change in lifestyle.  I used to have so much more to do whether it be a frivolous activity, or something that contained actual substance.  I used to do cross-stitch projects (dorky I know yet oddly self-satisfying) and I would love to start that back up again.  I was also really into writing poetry, and ideas for stories (if I ever got my shit together to bring it to fruition).  But lately the only thing I do that to use my mind is reading.  I've always been a reader but I find it oddly sad that it is the only type intellectual activity that I happen to engage in any more.  And even that I have to do in secret.  My boyfriend has this aversion to me reading, because he thinks I am going to go find an intellectual guy to talk about books with and leave him in standing in the dust.  I just like to read!  Is that so wrong?  It is no way an outlet for new boyfriend searching because I am NOT looking!  Can't he just be confident in my love for him and feel like the few things that I enjoy doing are just a way for me to leave him for someone else?  Man relationships are headache sometimes.

Ok so today on T.V. they are running a Heroes marathon, and having previously been wanting to get into this show I had never been able to catch the first episode.

     I caught it today and now a I am totally hooked.. have to go now the marathon is still on and I could be missing something important.

        I cannot believe the DAMN!!! Dogs ate the fucking Time Warner remote.... Now I get to rip my hair out trying to figure out how to get it replaced as fast as I possibly can!... OK after waiting for a 1/2 and hour to speak to a customer service rep... I got to have a completely fruitless conversation with the resident moron! YEAH ME!!!!!  And lucky me I get to do it all over again tomorrow morning.  I swear I don't think that my life could get any better than this! Now it's time for puzzles and magazines, a little something to help relax my nerves.

         On an upper I did some pretty mundane things like getting my oil changed and doing small stuff shopping at Wal-Mart.  Found some cute stuff I would love to buy but can't afford to splurge on right now!  But it will be getting better in the coming weeks. I will fewer reasons to keep my purse strings so tightly grasped. 

       Good night

      Ok well I totally lucked out with the whole remote deal, I ended up being able to get a replacement for free!!! YEAH ME!!!!  I feel like I should be more interesting in my blogs, I mean no one ever comments on them, so they must not interest anyone!  More likely no one is reading anything that I write because what I have to say is not exactly keeping everyones interest. I mean seriously I'm barely keeping my eyes open writing this it's so boring, but you still hope that someone out there cares enough to listen!!!

   Yeah!!!! We are finally moved in!!! It's been so long since I've been able to write, considering I have not had internet or cable for quite a long time now!!!! And let me tell you that really drove me crazy! Although being here is also driving me crazy.  It's everyday a new comment on how it doesn't feel right and how the connection between us is gone, Part of me thinks that it's just stress and it is said because it gets to me and breaking me down is the ultimate goal, and the other part of me thinks that it's true and my whole life is just falling apart.  I just don't know what to do any more.  I have been trying to do everything I can think of to hold us together but I'm not so sure that it is working.  I hope it doesn't all fall apart because I don't know if I can handle it if it does.

   Ok so building a new home is complete and total hell!!  Everyday there are new things and new stresses that are driving me absolutely crazy!  On top of cabinet, flooring, bathtub, sinks, fixture and fabric sample decisions, I am trying to house break a beautiful 10 week old puppy!  AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Ok just needed to get some frustrations out!  I am not exciting but I have stress just like everyone else!!

   I am seriously surprised about Paris Hilton getting  REAL jail time!!! It has been a long time coming that these opulent, spoiled, virginally challenged, snobs get punished for their crimes the way middle America does!! I hope that she gets a wake up call from this and stops using her concupiscent image to corrupt the young female population that is so easily affected by her image in the media!  As much as I might hope she would change her ways from this one (I'm sure) trivial moment I think I have a better chance of meeting God!

Good bye for now!

   America needs to wake up and look around! Troubled individuals are attempting notoriety with their weapon of choice, taking lives with every breath. And why is it that this keeps on happening? Well some authorites like to think that it is the job of those around the violent individuals to be able to determine the severity of the signs being shown.  Instead of just blaming the individual wielding the gun that murdered 33 people, they would rather make the roomates feel as though they should have been able to see into the future!  To All those who think that someone should have warned authorities I say SHUT UP!!! They were aware. They wouldn't have been at his dorm room questioning him about stalking females he was interested in!  He was a sick individual who had a mental disease that ruined his life along with every student attending Virginia Tech, and affected every friend, future friend, and family member of each and every student!